Uh, Boromir?
by MornieGalad
Summary: The Council of Elrond gets a little crazier. Boromir is acting a little stranger and the fellowship runs into a few incidents due to this. PG for slight craziness. I doubt the rating will go up. Please R&R.
1. Default Chapter

DisclaimerFortunately for the sanity of all who are even distantly in any relationship with Tolkien, the Lord of the Rings, Elves, Hobbits, dwarves, wizards, or otherwise, I do not own the Lord of the Rings. That is, however, quite unfortunate for me, since I would be set for life. Not to mention I could probably take a tour on the set of the Lord of the Rings for free. O well. I'll just have to settle for giving you a tour of Rivendell, a little crazier.

Uh, Boromir?

Chapter 1 A Somewhat Crazier Council.

"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king,"Boromir told Aragorn, son of Arathorn. There was an awkward silence between them, which no one broke for quite some time. The two men were seated about half a circle away from each other in Rivendell. They had both been summoned by Lord Elrond and, ever since Boromir had discovered Aragorn was Isildur's heir, the Gondorian had been at the Ranger's throat. For a moment, Boromir felt odd, but it was not the Ranger's gaze that disquieted him. Perhaps it was the awkward presence of the elves, something Boromir was not accustomed to. Faramir would have reacted so much differently. Faramir would love it here with all the pointy eared, no good. . .

"Elves!" Boromir yelled. The entire Council stared at him.

"No duh, we're elves! Who do you think has been yelling at you for the last half hour?! You are in Rivendell! Rivendell is where elves live! Get it?!"

"Elf," Boromir whimpered.

"As we were saying," Elrond cued everyone back into reality.

"Aragorn is right," declared Gandalf. "We cannot use it."

"It! What is it?! Who is Aragorn?"yelled Boromir to no one in particular.

"I just told you who Aragorn was about ten seconds ago!" Legolas exclaimed, quickly losing patience with the hair-brained human.

"I don't remember, Master Elf," Boromir said meekly. Everyone was beginning to get a little confused. Only moments ago, Boromir had been arguing with this same elf about who Aragorn as and whether his opinion should even matter in the decision of the council. Now he was acting as if elves were the most wonderful thing in the world.

"I'm Aragorn," declared the Ranger, deciding it didn't really profit anyone if they spent half the day arguing about Boromir's IQ.

"Elen sila lummen omentielvo," Boromir replied.

"What?!" asked Gimli.

"It's an elvish greeting," Frodo informed him.

"Where did you learn that?" wondered one of the Gondorian who was sitting beside Boromir.

"I learned that, mellon nin, from one of the ancient novels of Minas Tirith," Boromir said. The other Gondorian was amazed because Boromir rarely read anything out of the library of Minas Tirith.

"Anyway, from what I can see, there is only one choice: The ring must be destroyed," Elrond declared. Gimli and Boromir rose at the same time, but the man was quicker. His sword made contact with the ring and Boromir was sent flying backwards into Elrond. The sword was lost in the confusion.

"Ouch!" a voice from somewhere outside the courtyard cried out in pain.

"Spy!" yelled one of the elves of Mirkwood.

"Kill him!" challenged Gimli.

"Don't hurt him!" Frodo screamed over the insane stampede of dwarves, elves, and men. "Run Sam!"

"Oh my. . .!" Sam cried out in fear.

"Hatho, Hold!" Legolas shouted. Amazingly everyone obeyed. He calmly walked over to Sam who was trying unsuccessfully to blend in with a tree. "Who are you?" Legolas asked, his voice neither kind nor cruel.

"He's my gardener and has been a faithful companion to me since we left the Shire," Frodo said. The army disbanded and left Sam. Legolas remained for a moment.

"You may as well come to the council if you have been spying on us this long." Sam nodded gleefully, delighted to have been invited by and Elf.

"Boromir, are you alright?" Elrond asked the dazed human who still sat at his feet.

"Yes," Boromir said, still sounding somewhat stunned. One of the Gondorians came over and aided their captain to his seat.

"Do you need a keg of ale?" Gimli asked. "Drinks for everyone!"

"Hold on. We have business to attend to," Elrond objected. No one listened. Gimli has sent Bilbo to get some ale and the dwarves were setting up a table on the lawn. Frodo dashed over to the ring and hid it in his pocket. He didn't wish for any servants of the enemy to take it.

Thus the Council of Elrond became the council of Ale. Soon the dwarves were making rivers of ale that dripped from their beards. Frodo was once again on a table singing 'The Man in the Moon Stayed Up Too Late". Even the elves and Gandalf were engaged in the merry making. Elrond proceeded to scream and began pounding his head on a chair.

"Master Elrond, are you okay?" Sam asked innocently. Breathing deeply in an attempt not to strangle anyone, Elrond gestured toward the group. "Consider it a coffee break," Sam encouraged.

"I see no coffee," Elrond observed. "I see trouble." As if on cue, there came a rustling in the bushes.

"Merry, I smell ale!"

"Let's go!" the two cousins raced toward the group of insane drunkards.

"Pippin! Merry! What are you doing here?!" exclaimed Frodo.

"We're his loyal cousins from the Shire," Merry explained to the intoxicated council.

"Where's the shire?" asked Boromir.

"It's west of here, just another place that needs to be conquered by Gondor when we join with Mordor," Aragorn answered.

"What?!" exclaimed Elrond and Legolas who were certain they had either heard wrong or Aragorn had way too much ale.

"You heard me, ya good for nothing elves!"

"Don't mock elves. They're the oldest and wisest beings in ennorath!" Boromir defended.

"Yeah right! I could hold their intelligence in this keg!" Gimli yelled.

"That is more than can be said for you," countered Legolas, observing that the dwarf didn't growl.

"High treason! Hang him at dawn!" hollered Aragorn.

"Yes, Captain!" cackled Boromir loudly. Unfortunately, Legolas, who was behind him, reacted to the pain in his ears and whopped Boromir over the head with a mug, momentarily dazing him.

"Is someone attacking the Shire?" asked Pippin, because he thought he had heard something about the matter.

"Yes, I certainly am, I Aragorn, son of Gloin, king of Rohan!" Aragorn sang. Elrond tried to lead him away from the young Hobbits, but the Ranger wouldn't allow it. "Let me stay. They can do little to warn their friends now."

"Rivendell will aid us." Merry screamed.

"Where was Rivendell when Buckland burned, where was Rivendell when the West farthing fell? No, my young Hobbit, you are along," Aragorn laughed maliciously.

"Buckland burned? How? When?" Frodo shrieked jumping off the table and hitting Legolas in the head with his mug. "Sorry," he hastily apologized. Legolas decided to treat the approaching headache with another round. Pippin and Merry joined him.

"Mithrandir!" wailed Elrond.

"Half a moment, my good elf. I've not yet finished going insane," the wizard chuckled.

"Oh, captain, my captain," Boromir groaned as he gained consciousness.

"Ten caps! Where?!" screeched Pippin excitedly. Elrond promptly shoved a cap (a stone) into Pippin's mouth.

"Is not airy sasy" he commented (It's not very tasty). When Merry removed it, Elrond abandoned the Council, hoping to return later and use the incident as black mail.

"Don't worry. This will only hurt if I miss."

"Fear not, mellon nin, I am immune to pain," Boromir replied. Elrond fearfully glanced up from the tenth book he had finished since the council had been delayed. He saw Legolas aiming an arrow at Boromir's head, using his teeth. His bow rested on the ring of power, which appeared as if it would fall of the table at any moment. An intoxicated Frodo had apparently loaned it to the semi-intoxicated Prince of Mirkwood.

"Legolas!" screamed Elrond.

"What?" Legolas inquired accidentally loosing the arrow. It whizzed past Elrond's head, ricocheted off the wall behind him, deflected off Glamdring and imbedded itself in the tree just above Boromir's head. The Lord of Imladris promptly fainted. Merry and Pippin rushed over, lifted Elrond, and prepared to leave, looking quite mischievous.

"Whither arst thou headed, halflings?"demanded Aragorn.

"To the river," Pippin replied. Both hobbits began singing the same song the Mirkwood elves had sung as they rolled Bilbo's barrels into the river. Bilbo soon joined in as did Gimli. When that happened, Legolas only uncovered his ears long enough to aim an arrow at the dwarf. Gandalf stepped between the two and Legolas reluctantly lowered his bow. Elrond awoke to a tone-deaf dwarf and two annoying Hobbits singing and swinging him from side to side.

"Aragorn do something!"he yelled desperately. Aragorn belched and ordered Frodo to refill his drink.

"You refill it, you bloody, sharp-toothed Ranger!" shrieked the Ringbearer.

"Sam, refill the Lord Snider's pipe," Gandalf yelled, still positioned between Legolas and Gimli.

"Who's Shnider?" asked Sam, quite confused.

"Just fill it you stupid halfling and for heavens' sake stand higher than that!" Boromir bellowed. Pippin and Merry looked at each other. They dropped Elrond and jumped atop Frodo, first Merry, then Pippin. An elf boosted a terrified Samwise Gamgee to the top of the Hobbit pyramid. Seeing his chance Legolas tossed Sam an apple.

"Put it on your head." Sam foolishly did so. The elf fit an arrow to the string an released. Only then did Sam realize the danger he was in. He jumped quite gracefully off the first three feet of Hobbit then fell on the ground from about six feet high. By then, even Legolas couldn't see where the arrow had gone, so he sat down, ignoring the pile of bruised Hobbits.

Elrond was quickly losing patience.

"Everyone find a seat," He ordered. The council swaggered to a chair. "Now as I was saying, someone has to go into Mordor and throw the ring into the Fires of Mount Doom," Elrond said in the simplest words possible.

"Mordor - elvish for 'black lands'" Boromir muttered loudly.

"Yes may we leave first grade now?" Legolas asked, rolling his eyes.

"One of you must do this," continued Elrond, ignoring their comments. Everyone was silent. "Anyone?" After a while Frodo rose.

"I'll go to Mahldur. I've been needin' a good walk."

"Mahldur-yellow sleep. Is that some form of elvish drink. . ."

"Oh, I'll go just to get away from this human!" Legolas hollered, dashing behind Frodo.

"Elf. I go with elf." Gimli said slowly walking toward Frodo in a zombie-like fashion.

"Me too," Boromir jumped up.

"I'll protect you, Leggy!" cried Aragorn, drawing his sword. Elrond made him sheathe it. The other three hobbits stepped behind Frodo, placing their hands on his head to show they were coming too.

"Gandalf?" Elrond questioned.

"Hi ho, Hi ho it's off to work we go," the wizard sang, skipping up to the others. He passed them, and in his merriment, bonked Elrond on the head. He continued singing. "We are the fellowship of the Ring. Hi ho-hi-ho."

Please R&R


	2. Results of choices

**Chapter 2 Results of Choices**

Disclaimer:Fortunately for the sanity of all who are even distantly in any relationship with Tolkien, the Lord of the Rings, Elves, Hobbits, dwarves, wizards, or otherwise, I still do not own the Lord of the Rings. That is, however, quite unfortunate for me, since I would be set for life. However, since Boromir is apparently not sane anyway, it is debatable whether or not I own his soul. Laughs viciously enjoy chapter 2.

"Faramir! Faramir! Breathe! It's me Berelond! Faramir! What has gotten into you!?" Berelond shrieked in quite a girlish fashion. Faramir looked quite confused for a second and then backed away a few steps and collapsed on the ground. Berelond rose and went to his captain's side.

"I'm sorry, Berelond, I don't know what got into me," Faramir apologized, his voice sounding distant and confused.

"Is there any way I can help, Captain," Berelond asked. He could tell something was troubling the steward's younger son, for he had known Faramir many years.

"Convince my father that I'm not a weakling. For years I have seen him favor Boromir and loathe me. My brother always stuck up for me, but my father has never given me the chance to show my character, to prove that I'm not just an overgrown infant," Faramir griped to his friend.

"I will, I promise."

"Good," Faramir said, rising. "Let's get back to Minas Tirith." He jumped on his horse and seemed to be wrestling it, his arm around its neck and his hand in its mane. Thus the two friends headed back home

A few minutes after the Fellowship had been assembled, Elrond turned to Erestor.

"The sooner they leave, the less danger we are all in." Aragorn and Arwen didn't seem to care about anything at all. They were sitting in a large tree discussing what they would name their first child. It was lucky for them that Elrond couldn't hear their conversation over his throbbing head or it was quite likely he would start throwing a kissy fit saying that his daughter would never marry a human. Who knows what Aragorn might have done if that happened, but it wouldn't have been pretty. He might have gone as far as to elope and take Arwen on the quest with him.

"If you don't come down soon I'm going to cut your tree down!" Gimli shouted up to the couple. Elrond's eyes widened, fearful of any more chaos.

"No!" he screeched, tackling Gimli. Aragorn laughed hysterically from above Elrond's head.

"Master Elf!" yelled Boromir in alarm. "Are you all right?" he began brushing Elrond off. Elrond gave the human an evil glare and growled and Gandalf who was grinning goofily at the elf.

"Good show, Elrond, but it is not quite football," the wizard joked. The lord of Imladris lost his temper and, tossing Boromir to the side, threw Gimli's helmet at Gandalf's head, knocking the wizard's hat to the ground. Pippin retrieved it and placed it on his own head.

"Thank you, Gandalf." The wizard chuckled and replaced his hat on his head, bestowing Pippin with Gimli's helmet, which was more his size. Pippin spent the next few minutes running into trees and bragging about how it didn't hurt. When Pippin ran into the tree Aragorn and Arwen were in, Elrond noticed them.

"Get down from there," he ordered his foster son. "You people had better get going." Aragorn shrugged roguishly and gave Arwen an eternal kiss. Elrond cleared his throat, quickly losing patience with the human race. The Ranger started at the noise and stumbled out of the tree, falling on Elrond. Boromir was busy speaking to Legolas in elvish, so Arwen had to come down, taking her own prissy little time, and brush her father off. Fortunately, she didn't fall on anyone, Aragorn caught her, much to Elrond's frustration since the Ranger was standing on his back. By this time Elrond was at a loss, exhausted, and completely devoid of any ideas that would get the Fellowship out of Rivendell.

"Allow me, ada," Arwen whispered. "Everyone pay attention!" All eyes turned to Elrond's daughter.

"Tinuviel! Luthien Tinuviel!" Boromir squealed. Arwen rolled her eyes. That salutation was getting old. Was that the mankind's only pickup line?

"If the Fellowship leaves on their way to Mordor withing the next fifteen minutes, I will personally beat up my father when they return. Starting Now!" Everyone plunged running to gather up everything that was necessary for the journey. Bilbo grabbed his mithril coat and Sting, and handed them to Frodo, while Boromir occupied himself reading the runes on the sword. Bilbo was cruel in his drunken state and didn't tell the human what they said, so Boromir hadn't yet figured it out by the time the Fellowship finally did leave. Gandalf spent the time hitting himself in the head with his staff in a successful attempt to become sober. Pippin and Merry, on the other hand, made sure to pack plenty of beer onto Bill's back, not neglecting to drink some in the process. Aragorn and Arwen returned to the tree while Gimli practiced cursing out elves. It was so chaotic none of the elves noticed, except Legolas who was practicing tolerance and tuning out, neither of which went well. Sam, was therefore, with a bit of aid from Legolas before he lost his patience and strangled Gimli, left with the job of collecting the food and cooking supplies. Once he finished that, the group ceremoniously stood at the path leading from Rivendell to the rest of their Quest. Elrond said a few words and off they went, led by a sober, but dizzy wizard. As they sauntered out, Pippin and Merry began singing.

"O Where are we going

our path all a wagging

Pippin's still not knowing

Our dwarf is a gagging

O where are we going

O Elrond did knowingly set us off

with a twitching wizard's staff

o ho-ho"

"and a bottle of Rum," added Pippin. "Seriously, where are we going?"

Yeah, so what did you think. What's going on with Faramir? Haha I know and you don't. Review and I'll post the next chapter so you can find out. "No seriously, review. Please:)"


	3. Where to ? From Where? What?

**Chapter 3**

**Where to? From Where? What?**

"Swordfighting?! What do you mean he's swordfighting. King Thranduil of Mirkwood decides to show up on a moment's notice and he's off swordfighting!" Denethor's screams made all Minas Tirith shield their ears.

"Well, actually, my lord, that's not the entire story," the unfortunate soldier charged with informing the Steward of the absence of his youngest son said meekly. "He went to swordfight with Eomer of Rohan."

"That confounded son of mine. The one day he is needed in his city is th only day he decides to take combat seriously and leaves. Does anyone else in Gondor speak Elvish?" the steward fumed. The soldier said he didn't know, but spared no time in racing to ask Minas Tirith's entire population whether they did. Denethor plopped frustratedly down on his throne. Hew would be certain to give Faramir a harsh lecture about parental respect upon his return.

The soldier raced through the streets of Minas Tirith, thankful to be out of the palace. He hadn't dared to tell the steward, but he knew for a fact that King Thranduil spoke the common tongue.

* * *

"Mithrandir, if I'm not mistaken, we are going in circles -very large circles, but circles none the less." Legolas observed.

"Nonsense, Master Elf, I know precisely where we are," Gandalf assured him. Legolas sighed. They had been going on like this for three hours and he was starting to go crazy. He glanced behind him to see what the Hobbits were doing. Frodo and Sam ere close behind, the latter leading his beloved Bill the Pony. Behind them, Gimli was singing some Dwarvish drinking song, which Legolas desperately tried to ignore. Lastly were Pippin and Merry, begging Aragorn and Boromir to carry them. After less than a minute, Boromir scooped up both Hobbits, but found them heavier than he anticipated. He fell forward into Bill, who started and ran off toward Gandalf.

"Hey!" yelled Sam, racing after the animal. Gandalf laughed hysterically as Legolas, seeing Sam would never catch the frightened pony, joined the race. Gimli looked at his three comrades lying on the ground and continued his song. Aragorn chuckled a bit at Gimli's attempt to follow the others in a straight line, and then lent Boromir his hands.

"Hannon Le, Dunedan," Boromir thanked him.

"Yeah, hun in lay," Pippin replied. "Merry, what's a hun in lay?" he whispered. Merry said something in a whisper to Pippin, making the younger Hobbit giggle. Both of them were now well situated in Boromir's arms, and the back half of the Fellowship got moving again. Aragorn was definitely impressed with the Gondorian's ability to carry two hefty Hobbits over a hilly terrain. He wondered what other surprises this man would hold as their quest continued.

Farther ahead, Legolas was still on the brink of insanity. Gandalf was still attempting to collapse the Fellowship by leading them in circles, while affirming that he was doing no such thing. The first straight line Legolas had run since leaving Rivendell was the chase after Bill, which hadn't lasted nearly long enough. Now he had returned to the monotonous circular cycle. To make matters worse, Gimli was now behind him, since Sam had fallen back to see if Strider would carry him. Frodo had followed to see what would happen. Now Legolas slowed his pace and joined the others, leaving Gandalf and Gimli to drive each other bonkers.

"Mae govannen, melloni nin," Legolas greeted them. Boromir smiled.

"You have a very distinct accent. You're from Mirkwood, aren't you?" he inquired.

"Yes," replied Legolas.

"Bilbo went to Mirkwood once," Pippin piped up. "He said the Elves captured him." Merry promptly bonked his cousin on the head with his fist.

"No, no, you lump-headed Took. The dwarves captured him." Legolas was a little confused, because he knew Bilbo's take well, but then he remembered the Hobbits were probably still somewhat drunk.

"Dwarves don't live in Mirkwood," Boromir commented. He apparently hadn't realized the reason for the Hobbits' strange variations on the tale. Pippin looked at Merry, who smiled back in answer.

"But you gotta have FRIENDS!" The two of them sang at the top of their lungs.

"If you two do not shut up, the fury of Mordor, Isengard, and myself will be wielded upon you, Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrine Took!" Gandalf shouted, looking terrifyingly sincere. Legolas held his ears, which were ringing painfully, either from the singing or Gandalf's shouting.

"Knock, knock," Pippin cheerfully whispered to Legolas a few moments later.

"What?" Legolas asked.

"No, no. You're supposed to say 'Who's there?'"

"What?" Legolas asked again.

"Uh-oh," said Boromir. This was not good.


	4. Sing, Sing Everybody Sing

_Disclaimer I don't own the songs, the characters or the location. I own nothing that Tolkien does. This must be distinctly understood so that you cannot sue me. With that said, I hope you enjoy this. _

Chapter 4 Sing, Sing, Everybody Sing!

"Did Legolas go deaf!?" Pippin shrieked in horror. This got no response from the elf. The hobbit glanced at his cousin and both of them ran in circles around Legolas, screaming indecipherably. Aragorn came up, dodging the youngest hobbits, beside his friend and examined Legolas' ears, the elf giving him a confused look the entire time.

"The deafness is only temporary," the Ranger concluded.

"Good. Then I can sing and be completely tone deaf," Pippin declared. Before Gandalf could object, the young hobbit began to sing very loudly, but surprisingly in tune. "When the cold of winter comes, starless night will cover day . . ." In a moment, Merry joined in, and then so did the Frodo, Sam, and Boromir. Aragorn looked at Gandalf's disapproving face, shrugged his shoulders, and joined in. At the beginning of the second verse, Gimli joined in, and everyone except Legolas and Gandalf covered their ears and cried out in pain.

"That is your payment for allerting the armies of Mordor to our presence here!" he shouted. Gimli, still drunk, raised his axe, but Legolas promptly took it away from him despite a wave of dwarvish curses and threats. The fellowship began walking again, with Legolas using Gimli's axe as a walking stick. For a while, evverything was quiet, save the whispers between Pippin and Merry.

"Pippin, what was that song?" Boromir wondered. Pippin thought a second, looked at Merry, who shrugged, and thought again. "Well . . ." Boromir pressed.

"I don't know," Pippin admitted. "It just kind of came to me."

"You halflings are a strange people," the human laughed. Pippin just shrugged.

"Merry, where's the ale? I need some more."

"Coming right up, Pip."

"Rum break!" Pippin shrieked. Gandalf raced back from his position in the lead at the cry. Aragorn sighed, but trudged back to the others, tripping over Legolas, who was lying down, playing with a caterpillar. Aragorn cursed at his friend, who just looked at him curiously, like a newborn kitten.

"Hey, ho, to the bottle I go . . ." the Hobbits sang and danced. Gimli and Boromir, not knowing what else to sing, repeated ho, ho, ho. Gandalf joined in with "the road goes ever on," and Aragorn, unsure what to do, began "The lay of Leithein" at an unusually rapid tempo.

"There is an inn, a merry old in . . ." Frodo hollered out, dancing on Boromir's shoulders, The human galloped around the rest of the group, the drunken ringbearer secure on his shoulders. This feat was met with thunderous applause as well as Sam's shrieks for his master to get down from there before he broke his neck.

"Samwise, lighten up before I put a spell on you. You sound like an overprotective mother," Gandalf interrupted his singing for a brief moment. Sam's eyes bulged in fear and he dashed past the wizard to hide behind Gimli.

"Don't worry, lad. I'll protect you, but you did sound like a mother." Sam blushed as red as a rose and vowed to himself to be silent for the remainder of the quest. Then Gimli hit an extremely high note and the Hobbit flinched. No one else seemed to notice, though. Legolas raised his head and stood up. He gestured for silence and, surprisingly, he received it.

"Thank you, master dwarf. Your disgusting imitation of a soprano seems to have restored my hearing. It seems as if we now can continue our journey and stop this insanity. What do you say, Frodo?"

"The man in the moon took another mug. . ." Frodo started and each singer jumped in with their respected song, with the Ringbearer still perched on Boromir's shoulders.

"Heave ho, splash, pump. Rolling down the bump," Legolas joined in with a song from Mirkwood. After a while Boromir had an idea.

"Duh duh, dd duh. (the Fellowship theme)" he began. Everyone looked at him for a second and then joined in. "Dd dah dadidah dudidah didahdaaaah." Gandalf collected their things and off they marched, singing as they went.


	5. Jokes, Arguments and Mosquitos

Chapter 5: Jokes, Arguments, and Mosquitos

"Hey, Legolas," Pippin said after about an hour of marching to the Fellowship theme.

"What is it, Pippin?"

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?" Legolas asked, with a bit of coaxing from Merry.

"Merry," Merry's ears perked up.

"Merry who?" he asked before Legolas could.

"Marry me, please, Merry," Pippin pleaded, getting down on one knee. A few feet behind them, SAm cringed and tried to do a better job of ignoring the youngest Hobbits. He decided to hum the Fellowship theme, which was effectively stuck in his head.

"Aww," Boromir crooned. Aragorn rolled his eyes. "Knock, knock," the Gondorian squealed in the Ranger's ear.

"Who's there?" Aragorn inquired in his most serious voice.

"Huritha"

"Huritha who?" Aragorn groaned, not wanting to know the punch line, but knowing that Boromir would pester him until he asked.

"Huritha Nazgul's chasing us!" From up ahead, Frodo screamed and scampered around Gandalf.

"Don't let them get me!" he squealed in fright.

"All of you, stop it! You're scaring the ringbearer!" Aragorn shouted. For a moment, everyone froze, except Frodo, who was dashing around as fast as his legs would carry him, swinging his sword. Then Aragorn started smirking. His face blushed pink in an attempt to hide his laughter. He was unsuccessful. In a moment, the Ranger was on the ground laughing his heart out. Pippin and Merry exchanged glances and then rushed forward. They jumped onto Aragorn and started using him as a trampoline. Sam looked on, pleased that someone had finally done what he had wanted to do in Bree. Frodo, who had finally calmed down, was smirking as well.

"All right, gentlemen, it looks like we're going to be left behind if you don't let me go," Aragorn protested. Merry and Pippin looked at each other, shrugged, and continued bouncing.

"Oh, we wouldn't do that, Aragorn. We'll be back when it's time to coronate you," Gandalf laughed. If he had been able to, Aragorn would have run for the hills. As it was, he could go nowhere, so he just grimaced mentally.

"Boromir, what is it?" Frodo asked, approaching him. Boromir looked as if he had been struck by a powerful force. He was sitting on a rock, his eyes gazing off into the east.

"My father," the man whispered, not even looking at Frodo. He said no more. Sam nudged Frodo, urging him to leave the man alone, for he was obviously troubled. The ringbearer couldn't help but look back over his shoulder at the hunched figure who still looked so proud, yet so meek.

"Shouldn't we wait for them, Mr. Gandalf, sir," Sam ventured, referring to the four members of the fellowship who didn't look like they would be moving anytime soon, except vertically.

"They'll catch up," the wizard assured him, leading the rest of the group onward.

"We'll be back for them," Legolas whispered to Sam. "We've already passed this spot ten times."

"I counted eleven," Gimli objected. Legolas glared at him.

"I can assure you, Master Dwarf, we have only passed this spot ten times."

"I don't think so," Gimli objected, growling viciously.

"You are both wrong," Gandalf shouted from up ahead. "We haven't been here but once. NOw come along." Legolas and Gimli continued arguing in hushed tomes so Gandalf couldn't hear them. After a few minutes, Sam got tired of listening and went up to Frodo.

"What are they arguing about, anyway?" Frodo asked. Sam shrugged.

"ONe of them thinks we've circled this spot ten times, the other thinks its eleven."

"Do they have nothing better to do?" Frodo wondered.

"Well, what do you think about while we walk, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked.

"I try to think about the Shire, Sam." A smile crossed Frodo's face and Sam could almost see the fields of the Shire in his master's blue eyes.

"I think about music," Sam said. "Maybe someday someone will make up words to the tune Boromir was humming earlier. I hope not, though. It's easier to march to without words." Sam resumed humming the fellowship theme. After a while, Gandalf looked over his shoulder, felt something in his hat, and removed his hand again. A puzzled expression crossed his face. A few seconds later, he followed the same routine, except on the opposite side. Frodo and Sam exchanged confused glances. Legolas and Gimli were too busy arguing to be confused. After a few more times of repeating this, Gandalf turned around and waved his staff in the air as if trying to hit something.

"Where is that annoying mosquito that sounds like it's in my ear!" He hollered. Frodo and Sam's eyebrows shot up. As Gandalf turned around, Frodo stifled alaugh and Sam turned bright red.

"Ah, it's gone now," Gandalf declared. "Onward!"

"You probably should stop humming for now, Sam," Frodo whispered, once he had caught his breath from laughing.

"Sam, what do you call a mosquito who's singing in December," Legolas asked. Sam blushed an even deeper shade of red.

"What?" he muttered.

" A humbug!" the elf answered. From behind him, Gimli growled.

"That was my punch-line, you no good, slimy elf!" he shouted, looking vicious.

"Who's slimy? You're the one who looks like a snake!" With that, Gimli charged, axe in hand. Legolas dashed away, laughing the whole time.

"Why was it that Elrond didn't want Pippin to come?" Frodo joked, laughing at his two comrades' insanity. Sam shrugged. Everyone was crazy today.


	6. Snores, Toes, and Elves in the Night

_Disclaimer: I own it! I own it! Just kidding. Can't you people take sarcasm? This is a humor fic. Live a little. I don't own it though, it is a new law of nature. MornieGalad owns nothing. _

_MornieGalad_

**Chapter Six: Snores, Toes and Elves in the Night. **

"Eleven."

"Ten."

"Eleven."

"Ten!"

"Eleven!"

"Ten!"

"Eleven!"

"Shut up!" the rest of the Fellowship yelled at Legolas and Gimli. They had finally decided to stop for the night and most everyone was trying to sleep. Even the good natured Hobbits were glaring at the pair. Legolas rose, even tempered, and strode off a few pace. Boromir followed him with his eyes. Gimli shrugged and, lacking someone to argue with as well as a motive, plopped down on the ground. Soon the sound of his loud snoring kept the entire company awake. Not being in the mood to be kept awake by Hobbits who couldn't sleep through the racket, Aragorn shuffled over and kicked Gimli. He soon realized this was not his most brilliant course of action, as Gimli was heavily armored. He hissed in pain.

"What is it, Aragorn?" asked Frodo, who had been in a deep conversation about hearing loss and sleep deprivals.

"I think I just broke my toe," the Ranger grimaced. He thought he heard a snicker from Legolas' direction, but couldn't be certain through Gimli's snores.

"Let's go back to Rivendell and have Lord Elrond fix it," Pippin suggested. Boromir's face could have lit up Middle Earth from his delight at this suggestion.

"We can't go back," Frodo said in a very depressing tone.

"There is no need to go to Rivendell. Broken toes I can mend," declared Gandalf. Boromir couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw a look of fear pass over Aragorn's face. In ordinary circumstances, the Ranger would have entrusted Gandalf with his life unquestioningly, but at the moment, he couldn't help remembering the drunken wizard of a few hours past.

"It's all right, Aragorn. I think Mithrandir is quite sober now," Boromir reassured him.

"I need a drink now that you called me that," Gandalf exclaimed.

"What?" Boromir wondered.

"Mithrandir," Gandalf answered. "Now, where's my drink?"

"Oh, me too!" cried Pippin and Merry, leaping from their blankets. Sam grabbed his pots and pans and hid behind them. He didn't want to be involved if there was to be a late night party with those two drunkards.

"No drinks until King Elessar is mended," Boromir said sternly, but a smile still flickering over his face.

"I'm not the king yet!" Aragorn hollered. Legolas covered his ears and whirled around to glare at his friend.

"Boromir is being obsessive with the Elvish language!" Gandalf screamed at the Elf.

"Mellon nin, you can scarcely deem using two Elven titles obsessive use of the language," objected the Gondorian.

"For a Gondorian who lives nowhere near an Elven settlement, any use of the Elven language is . . ." Aragorn groped for the proper word to describe Boromir's insanity.

"Unnatural?" Pippin suggested.

"Yes!" exclaimed Aragorn. "Furthermore, you acknowledged me as the heir of Numenor and, inaccurately, labeled me as your king. Not one day ago, you told me that Gondor didn't need a king. Are you drunk?"

"No, I just had a change of heart." Aragorn backed away from him, wondering why the snores were getting louder behind him.

"I have a very gorgeous Elf maiden who wants to become mortal and spend her life with me. I'm taken."

"I didn't mean that kind of change of heart," Boromir laughed and Aragorn relaxed. "I see you are the next Beren Erchamion for which Luthien Tinuviel shall fall into darkness." Everyone except Gimli, who still sang his song with only one letter-sound, and Legolas, stared at the Gondorian in either amazement, confusion, or a combination of the two. For an awkward moment, Gimli made the only sound.

"Legolas, he's doing it again!" shrieked Aragorn.

"I know," groaned the Elf, holding his ears. "He speaks our language better than you do." Aragorn stuck his tongue out, tried to rise, undoubtedly planning some awful fate for Legolas, but put too much pressure on his injured toe and collapsed back to the ground.

"Ah, yes," Gandalf exclaimed. "Hold still, Elessar."

"Stop calling me that!"

"Why do you have so many names?" Pippin asked Aragorn as Gandalf bent down to fix his toe.

"It is because Elves are too complicated," growled the Ranger.

"Perhaps it is because the Numenorians are far too simple minded to be able to remember one name, so they give their rulers, or future rulers, more than one name in hopes that one of them will be remembered. You will note, Estel, that most of your names are from either Quenya or Sindarin and I have only one name, though I am a prince of Mirkwood."

"You're a prince!" Pippin exclaimed. Legolas ignored him, trying to make his point.

"Also, most ignorant Gondorians, no offense intended, Boromir, no longer concern themselves with these languages because they believe the Elven race will soon leave Ennorath."

"Why do the Elves leave Middle Earth?" Sam interrupted, emerging from behind his pots and pans.

"Their race originated in Valinor, but crossed to Ennorath with Fëanor to retrieve the Silmarils, in which the light of the two trees was held. To make a long story short, the Elves must someday return to Valinor, their home. Ear ganed na mar." Boromir said, seemingly slipping into a dream as he once again fell into the Elven tongue. Once again, the rest of the Fellowship fell silent, utterly astounded at what Boromir had just said.

"Huh?" Pippin finally asked.

"I'll explain it when you're older," Frodo promised.

"Legolas, he's turning into an Elf!" Aragorn fretted to his friend, who had returned to sit with the rest of the Company.

"Good."

"No, that is not good. He's a Gondorian. That is bad. He'll be alienated from his people."

"What would you care? You've been an exile all your life," Gandalf chuckled. "There, I'm done." He stepped away from Aragorn's toe to admire his handiwork.

"Not bad," the Ranger said.

"Aragorn, what do all your names mean?" Frodo asked. "I know a little bit of Elvish, but not enough for my liking."

"You said I was unnatural?" Boromir laughed. "A Hobbit carrying the worst evil in Ennorath, which happens to be a tiny ring, is concerned enough to want to learn Elvish." Guessing that Aragorn would go off on a tangent with this comment and ignore his heritage, Gandalf spoke up.

"Elessar means Elf stone . . ."

"Elf stone?" Pippin echoed. "This is too confusing. I'm going to bed." Merry yawned in agreement. Frodo was already lying down and Sam had returned to his comfortable spot behind his pots and pans. As everyone settled down, Legolas wondered if anyone save Aragorn would be getting any sleep with the very loud snoring.

* * *

**Meanwhile in Gondor . . . **

"Am I late?" Faramir asked Lossulwen.

"A little, but that's okay. I'm glad you are here now."

"I am sorry. I was trying to secure the city of Osgiliath. That is, I was planning the defenses." This was the truth of the matter, omitting the fact that he had completely forgotten he had promised to meet the love of his life this night.

"That does not sound like you," Lossulwen commented as she strolled beside him, trying to get him to take her hand.

"Why not?" he laughed.

"It reminds me of your brother. I don't want you to go off to war and not return, as he did."

"If it is the right . . ." Faramir paused. "Why did you say that?"

"Say what, melleth nin?" She was now clinging to his arm, gazing into his eyes. Her black hair swirled in the chilly wind and she snuggled to his chest. He took her and held her at arms length, locking eyes with her.

"You said Boromir wouldn't return. Why? Have you seen it?" Lossulwen broke their gaze.

"Meleth nin, mornie utulie. Amin mela lle. Amin dele ten'. _(My love, the darkness has come. I love you. I am worried for you)_." Faramir, not understanding a word she said, leaned in, and kissed her very passionately. After a while, he drew back. "Aratoamin, amaelamin, n'gwanna na dagor. _(My champion, my beloved, do not go to battle)." _Faramir nodded and kissed her again.

_**What has Faramir gotten himself into? How did you like it? Do not forget to review. **_

_**Hannon le. **_

_**MornieGalad**_


	7. Titles and Love

_Disclaimer: Even if Boromir says I own this, I don't. I own nothing. _

**Chapter Seven: Titles and Love**

"Merry, I can't sleep," Pippin complained.

"Sam, we can't sleep," Merry whispered.

"Mr. Frodo . . ." Sam cut off, seeing that his Master was asleep. "Strider, we're not getting any sleep."

"Find someone who cares," Aragorn mumbled sleepily. Sam sighed.

"Mr. Boromir, hardly anyone's sleeping."

"Gandalf, the Dwarf's snoring is keeping everyone awake."

"I hadn't noticed," Legolas groaned sarcastically.

"We shall have to do something about it, then," Gandalf declared, rising.

"Mithrandir, the ringbearer is asleep. Therefore, everything is fine."

"Don't we matter?" Pippin whined.

"No," was Aragorn's crisp answer.

"Now, my king, a person's a person, no matter how small," Boromir defended Pippin.

"You'll be smaller than he is if you don't shut up and stop calling me your king."

"I meant no offense." Aragorn ignored him.

"Did you make that up yourself?" Pippin asked.

"Make what up?"

"That saying a person's a person, no matter how small'."

"I didn't make it up. I read it in the library of Gondor."

"Probably in the Elvish section," Aragorn commented. Both Legolas and Boromir were about to object, but Gandalf cleared his throat rather loudly.

"We must move Gimli far away, so we can all sleep."

"How?" squeaked Pippin. "He's so big and heavy. We'll fail!"

Merry, however, just stared at the wizard. "We move him? That's the best thing you could think of?"

"Yes," Gandalf declared, not flustered in the least.

"Why don't we just do this?" Merry asked, stuffing his sock into Gimli's mouth. Instantly, the snores were scarcely audible.

"How did you know to do that?" Pippin asked.

"I used to do that to you all the time, Pip." A horrified look crossed the Hobbit's face. Instantly, he sprang into Sam's pack, grabbed a canteen of water and furiously began to rinse his mouth.

"Hey that's mine!" Sam hollered.

"Quiet! You'll wake Frodo!" shouted two voices.

"Sorry, Mr. Gandalf and Mr. Strider."

"The next person to call me a title dies!" Aragorn screamed.

"Shh," hissed six other voices. Sam and Pippin were still fighting over the water and spilling most of it on each other.

"Stop!" a voice out of nowhere yelled. Everyone stopped.

"The Valar?" Gandalf questioned.

"Close guess. This is the author. I am sick of everyone fighting and Gimli snoring, so stop it before I blast you all." The snoring and fighting instantly stopped. "One more thing. Aragorn, you are in denial."

"No I'm not!"

"Farewell for now, dear fellowship and my king. Oh, and go to sleep." Instantly, everyone obeyed. Only Legolas saw Boromir return, a small bullhorn hidden in the Horn of Gondor.

* * *

"This is preposterous, Faramir. Tell me true, have you asked this Elven sorceress to marry you?" Denethor coldly inquired, blue fire burning dangerously in his eyes. Faramir hesitated.

"I don't know, sir."

"Maybe I should ask her then, but first I would like an answer. How can you not know whether you have asked for her hand in marriage or not?"

"These days it is difficult to separate dreams from waking days."

"Is that so? Then let me tell you some things that are not dreams. Sauron is at our doorstep and, unfortunately, you are Gondor's captain in your brother's absence. Osgiliath's protection is the essential factor in this war and that city has once again been entrusted to your care."

"Father, I know this and I will not disappoint you."

"See that you do not. Also, any proposal you may have made to that Elf maiden regarding marriage, retract it. That is all."

* * *

"The leaves were long, the grass was green, the hemlock umbels tall and fair and in the glade a light was seen of stars in shadow shimmering. Tinuviel was dancing there . . ."

"All right, Boromir, who is she?" Legolas asked. Boromir startled, not knowing that the Elf was awake.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to awaken you . . ." Legolas held up his hand to stop the flow of apologies. Seeing the Elf was not angry, but had no intention of leaving him alone, Boromir decided to entrust him with this secret.

"Her name is Lossulwen, the most beautiful Elven maiden ever to walk the streets of Gondor. I . . . I love her, Legolas."

"Does she know this?"

"She does, and loves me in return, more than I deserve. She promised to spend her life with me and become mortal for my sake. I had no time to bid her farewell before I set off for Rivendell. If I should perish on this quest, what then? What will happen to my Tinuviel, my Luthien?" he sighed. Then silence engulfed the dark land for a few moments.

"She spoke of her homeland rarely, but said it was once a place of beauty and joy that had been swallowed in the shadow of Sauron, much like Gondor."

A light sprung in Legolas' eyes. "Is she from Mirkwood?"

"Why, yes, I do believe so!"

"Lossulwen," Legolas murmured. "Boromir, what does she look like?" he asked, his voice beginning to raise in excitement, though the Gondorian knew not why.

"He skin is as white as the moon and her hair is the night. Within her eyes, the rivers flow their purest blue. She is the image of Luthien herself."

"Ai, Irmo, Lord of dreams, can it be?" Legolas murmured in awe. "Boromir, I believe you may have fallen in love with my sister."

_What a twist, huh? What do you think? You know what to do: review. _

_Thank you much,_

_MornieGalad_


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